Today is New Year’s Eve and I’m caught up in the spirit of cleaning and clearing my closets for the coming year. I have finally decided it is time to part with my favorite toe-cleavage pumps in the world. We first met in Savers in New England, and it has been true love ever since. We have danced together, journeyed to foreign lands, but now it is time to part. I have lopped off your hairy threads too many times; I have Windexed you countless times. I’ve been hard on you for years. It is time to free you into the afterlife. We have served each other well. I’ll love you 4eva.